Sigh.
It's been a long couple of weeks since my last post, and things have changed completely at home again. I won't go into too much detail, as most of it is just painful. My eldest has moved in with dad full-time. I told her that I'd be a raving hypocrite if I didn't allow and hell, even encourage, her to chase her happiness with as much vehemence as I have.
It hurts like hell to take the high road. I guess the harvest of this is she is taking my lessons learned and applying it to her own life.
On the converse, on the night of our first legacy Reiki circle, my eldest son decided to move in with us full-time. He and dad are like oil and water. And before you ask, this is a little different than eldest daughter moving out. My ex and I always knew, I think that the eldest boy would leave him someday. I feel like this is a shot from left field in regards to my eldest daughter.
It's such a joy to have him here all the time, my warrior.
The harvest of this, I suppose, is that all your chickens will eventually come home to roost.
I know this is rambling, all over the place. I guess that's indicative of how things feel lately.. rambling. Work is incredibly busy and bringing me to a place that I don't think I've ever been, career wise. It's not overtly stressful, it's internally stressful. I'm good at what I do, but it's not soul-nourishing, and that's a good portion of where my conflict comes from.
Some days I feel torn down the middle between the need for soul-nourishment and the desire to excel at my career. If I could be an artist full-time, I would. I just don't know how to get there without leaving my family in the lurch financially. Right now, it seems I must travel in two directions at once. Trying to climb the corporate ladder, and at the same time, completely covet Boho girl's dreads...
This is a very interesting place.
Mabon, and the harvest, have brought me to a place of further growth. Which I guess means I've sown the seeds for this growth over the last year, and these challenges, these opportunities, are things that are coming my way.
My continual harvest of change.
On a cool note.. I found this video on one of my fav sitesSummer Pierre:
I agree... I am not a robot.
And this was found on Bliss Chick
And this amazing piece of art from Goddess Leonie!
Wow!
Enjoy the links and nourish your soul!
What an honest and open post! Good luck with the transitions and adjustments that come with children moving in and out of your space. I understand the frustration of wanting to go in different career directions, too. It feels so unfair to sacrifice what we want simply to be stable financially, yet almost everyone does it, and it might even be the right choice in the long term. Hopefully you will be able to get to the point where you can ditch the activities that are not soul-nourishing. Kudos on paying attention to what you need!
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