15 July, 2009

stuck at home... again

i've been running in such an overwrought fashion lately, with work, with family, with just myself, it seems that the Universe has found a way to make me slow down and just be.

send me the gift of a car accident (not my fault), and injure my right hand, so that i can't do anything but sit, and maybe read a little.

i am right-handed, so given the amount of pain and discomfort i have when i use my right hand, i, quite literally, can do not a damn thing while i'm recuperating. i'm even having trouble preparing food while my husband isn't here.

normally, when i have down time, i will paint, or fiddle in the garden, or crochet, and right now, it's uncomfortable to even hold a book, much less do anything else.

so, here i sit, doing nothing. i'm even typing this with my left hand, and it's taking me a fairly long time to hunt and peck with my inferior hand.

quite honestly, i feel like i'm about to just jump right out of my skin. i'm always doing something, finding some way to do something. even when i'm relaxing, my hands are busy.

it seems that the Goddess will handle those things for you that you can't seem to find a way to handle yourself.

a lot of different things that have been going on lately have put me in a spiritual funk, if you will. not necessarily a crisis of faith, but a frustrating cycle of what does all this crap mean? what is going on? did i do something wrong? what is this the karmic retribution for? all of that has been swirling around in my head for weeks now. and then yesterday, i had to take my car into a collision and repair center...

while i was there, i met two very different and very interesting people. the first was a hindu gentleman who studies hindi mysticysm. given that my patroness is Kali-Ma, i enjoyed every minute of the conversation with Mahesh. he offered insight into things i knew of, but told me more and encouraged me to study a little deeper with a little more diligence. the next gentlemen was a hermetic qaballist, and while i don't completely understand all of their beliefs and practices, it was an interesting conversation.

nonetheless, i distinctly felt like it was the universe's way of telling me to not give up, and to not let my current strife wear down my spirituality.

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